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Don’t “lipstick,” and 25 other lessons of management
In my first job out of grad school I was told, in a performance evaluation, to “do my hair and wear more lipstick.”
When it comes to management, that definitely goes in the “don’t” column.
Over the years, that lesson and a number of others have made their way into my consciousness as a (previously unwritten) set of “rules” I use to guide my behavior as a manager.
But why a post on management when our stock in trade is branding? Because people are at the heart of any change. To make change happen, you have to have people who can make change happen.
So consider this a tribute to all of those people I’ve known—whether as manager or the one managed. This is what you’ve taught me:
- Understand that your primary job is to remove obstacles from your staff’s path. That includes you. If you’re in the way, move.
- Empower them. Give them authority, give them confidence, give them space to do their job.
- Be their best advocate. Your staff always gets the credit for a job well done. You take the blame when things don’t go well. This is a conscious decision. Never throw your staff under the bus.
- Be empathic. Empathy is required, and can’t be taught. Improved, yes. Taught, no.
- Don’t give anyone a task you wouldn’t be willing to do yourself. And if it’s a real crap task, make sure you acknowledge that. Bonus points if you apologize for it, too.
- A corollary: Don’t establish (or enforce) rules you don’t follow yourself. What’s good for you is good for them, and vice versa. Different sets of rules for management and staff breed discontent.
- People will reach the bar wherever you set it. If you set the bar low, don’t be surprised when they don’t aim higher.
- Set expectations, not executions. Your way is not the only way—and their way could be better.
- If there’s a problem, address it. Right away. Privately. Problems don’t just go away. Respect your staff enough to give them a chance to correct what’s wrong. Shame doesn’t motivate.
- Go for “no surprises.” Just like a performance review shouldn’t be the first time your staff hears about a problem, the day of a deadline should not be the first time you hear something’s not getting done. Don’t blindside them, and they won’t blindside you. But set this expectation up early.
- When hiring, temperament is more important than experience. Typically, we hire for skills and fire for personality. But skills can be taught, fit can’t.
- Your staff don’t belong to you. You have succeeded as a manager when you coach someone into a higher and better position—whether in your organization or out of it. Don’t be selfish.
- 99% of the time people do the right thing without being told. Don’t manage to the 1%. Trust people to do the right thing. They will.
- Tell them what you know. Tell them what you don’t know. And tell them what you know but can’t tell—and why. Overcommunicate. Lack of information causes many more problems than too much.
- Praise in public. Critique in private.
- Only critique the professional, not the personal. Yes, that’s hard to do when you’re addressing a personal behavior, but you have to do the work of figuring out how to relate that to the professional environment. Otherwise you’re in the realm of telling people to “wear more lipstick.” Not acceptable.
- Respect their time. Especially when they’re meeting with you. Be punctual. Be relevant. Be useful. If you meet over lunch, feed them. If you ask them to work late, let them have that time somewhere else.
- Let them vent.
- You don’t have to know how to do what your staff does. But you do need to know what they need from you, what they care about, what gets in their way, and what their goals are. And you need to know why they consider what they do important.
- Don’t micromanage. Goldfish will grow as big as their tank can accommodate. Give your staff an ocean, not a teacup.
- They don’t have to like you, but they do have to respect you. But you have to earn respect. You can’t legislate it. Oppression breeds rebellion, especially if it seems arbitrary. You’ll get as much respect as you give.
- Mistakes are fine. Just not the same mistake, and not more than once. The first mistake is usually your fault. The second is theirs. Or yours, if you didn’t address the first one.
- When something goes wrong, blame is useless. Find out what happened only so you can help your staff figure out how to avoid repeating the mistake. If you use the discovery process to lay the basis for punishment, you’ll never, ever get the real story again.
- Your staff will do what you do, not what you say. Your staff is a reflection of you. If you don’t like what you’re seeing, look to yourself.
- You are nothing without them.
What’s on your list? What would you add?
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Managing is more than just managing a job, it’s managing a person. I agree that empathy is key – and if you have empathy, you have the ability and willingness to know your employees personally. I don’t mean knowing what they do every Friday night, but know what their likes and dislikes are enough that you can help them manage the parts of their job they dislike and do more of the things that they really enjoy. If employees are motivated, they are more likely to be successful.
Jessica, you’ve got it exactly. All of these rules are basically ways of saying: Manage people, not positions.
I really like your guidelines, Tamsen, especially “Set expectations, not executions” Very memorable way of saying “Don’t micromanage.”
Sooo much of being a great manager comes down to just being a great HUMAN, doesn’t it? In fact, one could apply the same guidelines one applies to social/social media interaction to management. Like, Listen. Respond. Care. Contribute. Etc. Cases where I have had really poor managers, these have always been absent/at the root of the problem.
How many people have applied to work for you based on this post?
Ah, Sue, you are too kind, truly.
I couldn’t agree with you more: you have to be a good person to be a good manager. That’s why I say run, run, run from any person, book, or workshop that suggests great leadership can be taught. Like empathy, I think you can always improve on the core qualities you have (it took me years, for instance, to figure out how to critique in a way that didn’t wound), and you can’t teach someone to have something they just don’t have–or don’t want.
All very true. I’m going to print this for my office.
Great guidelines for any manager. I also believe that communication is lacking with many mangers. They know what they need to say or do, but for some reason this is not executed.
Exactly–a lot of communications gets lost in the face of fear. That’s why #14 is phrased as it is–even when you tell people you *don’t* know something, it gives information, and keeps employees from feeling disconnected from what’s going on. If you don’t know what’s going on either, then not only do they realize there isn’t some kind of information double-standard, but it also creates an additional basis on which to bond with you.
I happened across this post from a link in someone else’s post – and that serendipitous click landed me smack in the middle of the best leadership advice I’ve ever read.
I’ve lead groups – and worked consciously, daily – to live up to many of the great points mentioned here. And I’ve just been one in a group of people reporting to an executive (me not managing people) while longing that person got clued in. Yours is sound advice and should be required leading. Thank you.
You’re welcome! Glad you found it helpful!
A fantastic post. I found myself nodding as I was reading it, and assessing past managers’ performances to see how they stacked up against this list. I shared it just moments ago on Facebook, Twitter, Yammer, and even via private email.
Thanks for sharing it so widely, Alan. This was one of my favorite posts, and I’m glad to see it get a bit of new life!
[...] Until we start to hear, “be careful,” “tone it down,” or even “wear more lipstick.” That our way is not the way things are done around here (especially frustrating if we [...]